As I constantly battle between hot and cold I can't help but be humbled. Coats, sweaters, jackets, air conditioning, heaters, fans, and the need for these show how fragile the human form really is. A few degrees can mean the difference between life or death, losing limbs, our bodies shutting down, dehydration, or disintegration. Yet there is a place in our universe where we can survive and thrive. There are so many miracles from children being born, to new technologies being discovered, and our bodies healing themselves. We live around countless miracles, most cannot be explained, but they still make up this life. It's crazy to think that with the ingestion of one wrong thing our bodies could stop their necessary functions for life. Falling the wrong way can be the difference between a life threatening wound or a bruise. I'm not trying to sound dismal, it's actually the opposite. It humbles me to think that with so many dangers at every corner I am still here. I am alive to see another day and I'm am healthy, mobile, able to communicate, and able to do whatever it is that I decide. It's an amazing gift. Every day I am overwhelmed that I can spend hopefully one more day on this earth and experience all the pure, raw feelings that we as humans get to experience, even pain is special, although when we experience it we are not the begging for more pain but it shows that we can still feel, and how amazing the lack of it is. We are so blessed, that I cannot find a way to emphasize to the depths of it's truth. I am still here! I may be wearing a sweater because chances are I'm cold, but I'm so glad that I am alive.. and for my sweater!
I'm rediscovering how to freely express myself through words. I used to have no problem jotting my thoughts down and letting the world know what it was I was passionate about, who the inner Emily was. Over time however, this started to trickle down to less and less, why was it that I had so much to say before , so much to share, and then to become such a private person? My mind was still working over-time as I overanalyze just about everything, and think myself crazy, but I did not feel the need anymore to share my ever consuming thoughts. After some time I realized that those that once knew me now had no idea who I was. Communication is key and the lack of this creates a barrier. People love to talk about themselves and they love to be listened to, It is our human nature to desire to be heard and cared for. I love to listen, so I have let people talk about their stories, feelings, families, and passions, and I get the amazing opportunity to learn from them. If their interest in my affairs isn't reciprocated, why push the matter? As time went on I realized that the lack of reciprocation was more predominant than I had thought. Conversations began to become more one-sided with myself asking all of the questions. I was not complaining, as I was growing listening to each person. People are fascinating creatures, all with their own unique stories, perspectives, passions, knowledge, and experiences. Each person I love so deeply because we are all children of the same God and he loves each of us to unfathomable heights, to not love a person would simply be disrespect for a masterpiece.
What I did not realize was that by halting my communication I was creating a barrier to be able to connect on a deeper level with people. Maybe they will not always ask, but that doesn't necessarily mean that they are not interested. Some of the individuals that I enjoy talking to the most will freely give their thoughts, feelings, and perspectives and I don't need to ask. It's all so interesting. It's a journey of growth and I'm glad that I can realize where it is I can improve and always become a better version of myself. Step one, this blog. It is challenging to write my thoughts and feelings and think that someone may be reading them. It is a realm in which I am vulnerable, opening myself up to the world, but it is liberating all the same.
What comes to mind is the analogy of sharing a testimony or telling someone why you believe what you believe; you never know if the way that you can describe something in the way that someone will understand it. You could dramatically affect someone's life, simply by sharing what you know or what you believe, it may be just what they needed to hear or how they needed to hear it, but you cannot be an instrument to help others if what is in your mind and in your heart goes unsaid.
Night time comes around and all of the activities and plans are coming to an end; bed time, blankets, that pillow that has melded to the perfect shape, that has held my head through many dreams and many nights, but the thought that calms and excites and clouds all others is to know that in the comfort of my rest, I will soon close my eyes in the arms of love, his perfect, selfless, wonderful love. The soft sounds of his breathing and that soft smell of his skin will send me into my sleep, ever so peacefully. Good night with those three precious words, a kiss, and a thanks to God for the day that he has given. Each day ended perfectly.
Thank you God for my wonderful, loving, thoughtful, and kind husband, and thank you for this life, I am in awe every day at how much you have given me.
We are so blessed to have what we do! To have the knowledge that we have been given; about our potential, what is truly important, and the purpose of our lives; the whole picture! This knowledge Cannot be taken for granted! There are so many people who live their lives in fear or in unanswered questions about the meaning of life and it's purpose, I used to be one of them, but now I have the answers! I have the information, but there are people out there that still don't know; people who don't feel the peace of knowing the plan of salvation, and believe that we won't be with our families again. I used to be this person, and life was pretty bleak, relationships in any form were without purpose, and the growth of my mind and spirit which I so passionately desired was rather a waste of time; if upon death it was all gone. I could not stop there, I could not except that; that was nonsensical, there had to be something I was missing. There are people everywhere that don't know that we continue to grow, or that we are already living in our eternities. We know that by living a life now of peace, love, happiness, and gratitude, and trying to grow and learn more we are living in a celestial way, and that will continue on. We are blessed. I thank God every day for showing me the path that he has for my life and making me an instrument. I pray that he can use me to touch others the way he has used others to touch me.
My online journal is beginning today. About a month ago I had the prompting to start blogging, but I couldn't help but wonder what in the world would I write about? Well, I still do not have the answer in hand, but I want to record my thoughts as they come, and experiences. It is a comforting feeling to know it's all backed up by google! It's the journal that I can never lose.
